Lately I’ve had to ask God some hard questions. The ones that seem to surface in the midst of great struggle, and I feel like I need answers if I’m going to have any hope of getting through it.

Maybe you’ve been there, too— in a place where hard questions consume your thoughts. And maybe like me, you’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out the answers on your own when you know deep down God wants us to bring our hard questions to him.

Usually these types of questions come to mind when a desperate prayer goes unanswered, or when God doesn’t answer the way I wanted. So I’m learning to trust God with my questions, because I know from past experience, the hardest questions can either pull me away from God or draw me to him.

Taking Our Hardest Questions to God When We’re Hurting

When we’re hurting, we want to ask, “Why did this happen?”

Whether walking through grief, battling discouragement, or falling into despair, I used to hesitate before asking God my hardest questions. I entertained them in my mind but stopped short of bringing them before my merciful God. I felt that questioning my circumstances would somehow disrespect him.

Well-meaning people of faith have tried to rationalize the unknown by saying things like, “...because he’s God and we’re not.” But I’ve never found comfort in that answer. Instead, it caused me to believe my God was unapproachable. That I needed to just accept the fact that he would do what he wanted, and if I questioned it, that meant I didn’t have faith.

Oh, how misguided I was.

Because the blessed truth is, God longs for us to come to him. With our concerns, doubt, and yes, even our questions. He wants us to seek him at all times.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 NIV

In the above verse, the Greek word for burdened is phortizō, meaning “to load down with a burden.” Maybe you’ve felt loaded down with the burden of unanswered prayer. Maybe tragedy struck and you’re struggling to understand how God could let it happen.

Jesus offered something in Matthew 11 no one else can give. He offered the gift of rest for our weariness, and it’s still available to us today. But we cannot experience rest if we’re weighed down with our hard questions.

Why I Need to Take My Questions to God in Prayer

If I tell God I’m angry, will he be mad at me?

After my dearest friend passed away a few years ago, I sat at my dining room table ready to have a “discussion” with the Lord. Anger over losing my friend so suddenly welled up inside.

I’d paced around the house for days, rehearsing my pain as I talked to myself about everything I didn’t understand. How could this happen? Why did our prayers for her healing go unanswered? How will her husband and son go on without her?

By the time I decided to talk to God about it, I’d worked myself into a frenzy of raw emotion. But as I released it all to him, I sensed his presence wrapping me in a loving embrace. He didn’t get mad or zap me with a bolt of lightning. He understood like no one else could.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

That’s when I realized, it’s good to ask God my hard questions. Comforting, even. Talking to myself or screaming those questions to the universe only leads to emptiness. The universe can’t answer back, but having a conversation with God about my deepest hurts brings healing.

His holy answers give me hope. And even if God doesn’t answer right away, he wraps me in his loving care while I wait.

How to Ask God the Hard Questions

One of my favorite ways to bring my hard questions to God is through journaling.

Lately I’ve spent my mornings writing down question after question in my journal. Struggles abound as I grieve a loved one’s recent passing. My mind reels with runaway thoughts. By taking a few quiet moments to write them down, I’m preparing my heart to receive the answers God will provide.

The more time I spend in God’s Word, the easier it is to hear his voice.

So when we come to him with those hard questions, we need to also commit to spending time reading Scripture. God often speaks by bringing snippets of verses to mind— phrases or main ideas of what we've read before. Even if we don’t recall the exact reference of the Scripture, or the word-for-word translation.

God doesn’t need perfection, only our willingness to listen in his presence.

However we choose to ask him the hard questions, the important thing is to remain near to him through it all. To not push him away. We don’t need to fear how he will respond or think we should hold back our true feelings from him. God can take it.

Life is filled with hardship, and questions are certain to come. Without God, our most difficult questions will only guide us into uncertainty, angst, and hopelessness. They will pull us toward a pit of despair and away from his gentle embrace. But the best news is that it’s never too late to return to him.

Our loving Father is always ready to hear from us, with arms open wide, and he will provide a safe shelter where our questions are welcomed and grace is available.

“There’s purpose in our pain.” We toss this catchy phrase around often when someone we know is going through difficult times. We hope it will give us some semblance of comfort or encouragement when what we’re experiencing is too painful to bear. But really, in the midst of harsh pain, these words offer little help. Because it’s hard to see any good if God isn’t answering your prayers for relief.

On a particularly challenging day, the last thing I want to think about is God’s greater purpose for the pain I’m feeling. I just need to get through that moment.

Pain keeps our minds focused on what’s hurting instead of God’s goodness. And the truth is, sometimes God doesn’t remove our pain. So how do we navigate that, as women of faith? How do we hold on to hope and keep praying for healing, knowing God may have left this “thorn in the flesh” for us to deal with?

Why Doesn’t God Remove My Pain?

Many of you have reached out to me and shared your pain-filled stories. I’m in awe of the perseverance you’ve shown through the adversity you’ve faced. But even the strongest people I know have moments where weakness takes over. Discouragement sets in with a big dose of despair not far behind.

I for one try not to linger too long in the “why” of God’s plan. I can get so caught up in the questions that I get distracted from what I do know, and that is this: God is faithful, even when we don’t feel it.

So rather than asking why, let’s seek God’s Word about the pain we experience in this life. God gave us the apostle Paul’s story as an example. Let’s look at how Paul handled his affliction. We can learn much from his response when God didn’t remove his pain.

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9 ESV)

2 Corinthians 12:9 is one of my favorite verses. I love the idea that God’s grace is there for me in my weakness. When I’m absolutely zapped of my strength, God’s power is perfected. What a promise! Paul goes on to say:

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I’d say Paul set the bar pretty high for someone like me. I cringe a little when I think about actually being content in calamity. God’s still working on me. But this week I came across a verse in Psalm that settled this truth in my heart.

“This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.” (Psalm 119:50)

I wrote the verse on a sticky note and pasted it to my laptop where I can read it again anytime pain sets in. God’s promises are good and true, and if we invite him into our suffering, he will pour into us from his life-giving supply.

3 Hope-filled Ways Affliction Helps Us

I walked out of my new doctor’s office with replenished hope. She gave wise advice about managing some ongoing pain I’d been battling for years, including practical tips for taking care of my health. My husband could sense my enthusiasm as I told him all about it. I thought I had finally received an answer to my prayers! But a week later, the pain returned with a vengeance. One step forward, two steps back.

Sitting with the Lord in prayer in the days following the appointment helped me shift my perspective. I realized I had turned my focus toward the pain, which wasn’t doing me any good. Through a whole lotta prayer time and seeking the Lord about my trial, I discovered three things I could learn from my affliction. These 3 truths brought much-needed peace, and I pray they will do the same for you.

One: Affliction keeps our focus on what’s most important.

A life-threatening diagnosis changes just about everything. It alters how we live day-to-day, how we spend our time, and our priorities. It brings what’s most important back into focus.

After a cancer battle, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with the people I love. I wanted to put my phone down, look at them when they spoke, and lean into every word. I held each occasion together as a treasure in my heart. Then I noticed that over time, I started getting distracted again.

It’s a challenge to find the beauty in painful seasons, but my priority reset was just what I needed. And my affliction helped me get there. I couldn’t let the routine of daily life lure me back toward unnecessary things, so I made adjustments to keep first things first.

Now, if I have to lay down and rest, I use that time to pray for my family and friends. If I can’t do as much physically as I used to do, I make a point to put get-togethers at the top of my list. I try to view the pain as a weekly and sometimes daily reminder of the most important things in my life.

Two: Affliction reminds us to take proper care of ourselves.

I remember a time in my life when I had so many plates spinning, it was only a matter of time before they crashed to the floor. And boy, did they crash in a big way.

Soul care not only helps ease our physical pain, but also aids in mental wellness. We want to be our best selves for our people, and pain will try to derail us. Let’s refuse to let it by finding ways to make our physical, mental, and spiritual health a priority.

Whenever pain hits, I try to think about simple ways to care for myself. What will ease the pain? What healthy choices will lead to feeling better? I may not be totally thrilled with the idea of getting out of bed and going for a walk, but that’s something that always seems to lift my spirit.

Maybe you enjoy a few minutes of quiet time with your favorite devotional or playing worship music on hard days. Prayerfully consider what works for you in this season, then find one simple thing to put into practice.

(For helpful ideas on soul care tips, visit my friend Lyli Dunbar.)

Three: Affliction ensures our dependence on God to provide.

God is my Healer. He healed me from deadly disease and also healed my heart in ways that would fill this page. I will never cease praying for healing for myself and others who are suffering. I believe in God’s healing power.

I also have peace today. Because one thing affliction teaches us is that we can trust God’s no as well as his yes.

Your perseverance hasn’t gone unnoticed, dear friend in the faith.

We don’t have to seek purpose in our pain to know God will be with us through it. So if you’re dealing with an affliction and it seems God hasn’t answered your prayer, may this day and these truths bring you renewed hope. Let’s invite him to walk with us through the pain and watch how he transforms us by his perfect power.