How to start the new year with joy when you are missing what once was.
I’ve noticed something lately.
A sobering reality. My social media feed has been filled with posts and reminders of how difficult the holiday months can be for those missing someone. Whether the loss happened recently or in years past, many of us have experienced the kind of loss that leave us entering a new year with sadness.
Looking back at what we’ve lost can make it hard to find joy in things ahead.
This past year my closest childhood friend died unexpectedly, and with that sudden loss came a flood of my best memories growing up. She was somehow woven through each important milestone of my life, and thinking back on those precious times brought a realization that the milestones ahead of us would not include her. Not any more.
So what is the answer when we struggle to find joy in the new year while grieving what once was? How do we stay positive looking forward when everything reminds us of the loss? Allow me to share a few tidbits of truth I’ve gleaned from trusted friends as they’ve walked through grief. May the wisdom they have shared offer hope as we move into the new year.
We’re not alone in our loss.
I didn’t expect to lose so many close friends while still in my 40’s. As a child, 40 seemed like an eternity. But now that I’m nearing the end of that decade, it’s not so old after all. Yet all around me I see people grieving over losing someone they love.
A dear friend lost her husband this year. Another friend lost his wife just a few years ago. And there are others, too. Most of us would find it easy to recite name after name of people we know dealing with grief. One thing I’ve learned from these friends and my own experience is that even though loss can make me feel lonely, I am not alone.
It’s perfectly normal to feel alone, when things, places, and events remind us of the person we miss. But can I encourage you to do something, even though it may be hard? If you’re missing a loved one today, reach out to someone and ask them to pray.
When we reach out to others for support, they will pray for us. When we make an effort to find someone who understands, God will point the way. If you’re entering the new year missing someone you love, keep reaching. Keep seeking. Keep asking. You will find people to walk alongside you and pray for you with each step.
We can find new purpose in our memories.
When I gave birth to my son many years ago, the first person I called was my childhood friend.
Things went wrong that day. Decisions had to be made. My husband and mom were with me through the trauma. And when it was all over and that big baby boy rested quietly under the warmer next to me, I asked for the phone to call my friend.
We lived several states away, but we’d been there with each other through life’s biggest moments. She knew exactly what to say with my emotions running high and my physical body exhausted. That memory comes back now as another calendar page turns and our kids are grown. I can’t help but think of her two beautiful children. The milestones they will reach this year, and how they’ll wish so deeply that their mother could be there to see them.
Good memories of loved ones can weigh heavily on our hearts because we dread the thought of them missing out on all the things. But there is hope. Instead of allowing those memories to cause despair, we can shift our minds toward renewed purpose.
We can let the memories of those we loved most fuel our motivation to keep moving forward.
When a new experience brings to mind an old memory, I remember my friend’s smile. I imagine her delight in this new memory being made and determine how I can make more memories in her honor. And when I feel despair begin to weigh me down, I turn my hurt into a prayer.
A prayer of gratitude for the past.
A prayer for her husband and children.
For joy in precious memories made and comfort and peace through the pain that will come.
For the ability to move forward with the eternal hope that we have because of God.
We have hope in eternal life through Jesus Christ.
The verse above is like a supernatural sigh of relief when I feel separated from someone I love. Because the truth is, we aren’t really separated at all when we accept the gift of eternal life given to us through Jesus.
We tend to think of life in segments. We live in our mother’s womb. Then we live on earth. Then we’re gone somewhere else. But God views life so differently than we do. His ways are beyond what we can fathom. God created a seamless existence. We know this because the Bible tells us life with Jesus is never-ending. The longing comes when we find ourselves at different places on the continuum.
So let’s breathe in this verse from Ecclesiastes and rest in the promise it holds. God planted eternity in my heart and yours, and in every loved one lost who chose Him.
May we remember these truths today as we begin a new year of joy-filled possibilities. When we feel alone, we have hope. When we feel in despair, we have purpose. When we feel separated, we have eternal life through Christ. Let’s carry every memory of our loved ones with us as we move forward.
Blessings,
Kristine
