“There’s purpose in our pain.” We toss this catchy phrase around often when someone we know is going through difficult times. We hope it will give us some semblance of comfort or encouragement when what we’re experiencing is too painful to bear. But really, in the midst of harsh pain, these words offer little help. Because it’s hard to see any good if God isn’t answering your prayers for relief.

On a particularly challenging day, the last thing I want to think about is God’s greater purpose for the pain I’m feeling. I just need to get through that moment.

Pain keeps our minds focused on what’s hurting instead of God’s goodness. And the truth is, sometimes God doesn’t remove our pain. So how do we navigate that, as women of faith? How do we hold on to hope and keep praying for healing, knowing God may have left this “thorn in the flesh” for us to deal with?

Why Doesn’t God Remove My Pain?

Many of you have reached out to me and shared your pain-filled stories. I’m in awe of the perseverance you’ve shown through the adversity you’ve faced. But even the strongest people I know have moments where weakness takes over. Discouragement sets in with a big dose of despair not far behind.

I for one try not to linger too long in the “why” of God’s plan. I can get so caught up in the questions that I get distracted from what I do know, and that is this: God is faithful, even when we don’t feel it.

So rather than asking why, let’s seek God’s Word about the pain we experience in this life. God gave us the apostle Paul’s story as an example. Let’s look at how Paul handled his affliction. We can learn much from his response when God didn’t remove his pain.

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9 ESV)

2 Corinthians 12:9 is one of my favorite verses. I love the idea that God’s grace is there for me in my weakness. When I’m absolutely zapped of my strength, God’s power is perfected. What a promise! Paul goes on to say:

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I’d say Paul set the bar pretty high for someone like me. I cringe a little when I think about actually being content in calamity. God’s still working on me. But this week I came across a verse in Psalm that settled this truth in my heart.

“This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.” (Psalm 119:50)

I wrote the verse on a sticky note and pasted it to my laptop where I can read it again anytime pain sets in. God’s promises are good and true, and if we invite him into our suffering, he will pour into us from his life-giving supply.

3 Hope-filled Ways Affliction Helps Us

I walked out of my new doctor’s office with replenished hope. She gave wise advice about managing some ongoing pain I’d been battling for years, including practical tips for taking care of my health. My husband could sense my enthusiasm as I told him all about it. I thought I had finally received an answer to my prayers! But a week later, the pain returned with a vengeance. One step forward, two steps back.

Sitting with the Lord in prayer in the days following the appointment helped me shift my perspective. I realized I had turned my focus toward the pain, which wasn’t doing me any good. Through a whole lotta prayer time and seeking the Lord about my trial, I discovered three things I could learn from my affliction. These 3 truths brought much-needed peace, and I pray they will do the same for you.

One: Affliction keeps our focus on what’s most important.

A life-threatening diagnosis changes just about everything. It alters how we live day-to-day, how we spend our time, and our priorities. It brings what’s most important back into focus.

After a cancer battle, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with the people I love. I wanted to put my phone down, look at them when they spoke, and lean into every word. I held each occasion together as a treasure in my heart. Then I noticed that over time, I started getting distracted again.

It’s a challenge to find the beauty in painful seasons, but my priority reset was just what I needed. And my affliction helped me get there. I couldn’t let the routine of daily life lure me back toward unnecessary things, so I made adjustments to keep first things first.

Now, if I have to lay down and rest, I use that time to pray for my family and friends. If I can’t do as much physically as I used to do, I make a point to put get-togethers at the top of my list. I try to view the pain as a weekly and sometimes daily reminder of the most important things in my life.

Two: Affliction reminds us to take proper care of ourselves.

I remember a time in my life when I had so many plates spinning, it was only a matter of time before they crashed to the floor. And boy, did they crash in a big way.

Soul care not only helps ease our physical pain, but also aids in mental wellness. We want to be our best selves for our people, and pain will try to derail us. Let’s refuse to let it by finding ways to make our physical, mental, and spiritual health a priority.

Whenever pain hits, I try to think about simple ways to care for myself. What will ease the pain? What healthy choices will lead to feeling better? I may not be totally thrilled with the idea of getting out of bed and going for a walk, but that’s something that always seems to lift my spirit.

Maybe you enjoy a few minutes of quiet time with your favorite devotional or playing worship music on hard days. Prayerfully consider what works for you in this season, then find one simple thing to put into practice.

(For helpful ideas on soul care tips, visit my friend Lyli Dunbar.)

Three: Affliction ensures our dependence on God to provide.

God is my Healer. He healed me from deadly disease and also healed my heart in ways that would fill this page. I will never cease praying for healing for myself and others who are suffering. I believe in God’s healing power.

I also have peace today. Because one thing affliction teaches us is that we can trust God’s no as well as his yes.

Your perseverance hasn’t gone unnoticed, dear friend in the faith.

We don’t have to seek purpose in our pain to know God will be with us through it. So if you’re dealing with an affliction and it seems God hasn’t answered your prayer, may this day and these truths bring you renewed hope. Let’s invite him to walk with us through the pain and watch how he transforms us by his perfect power.

5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs from You Right Now

She calls your name in prayer every night before attempting to sleep. She lifts your family up to God in the most difficult times of your life. She faithfully attends every church event. (She plans most of them, anyway.) You never see her without a smile on her face.

All the while her husband and family are prime targets of attack.

Beside every pastor is a woman willing to walk with him through the ups and downs that come with the profession. No other job relies so heavily on faith and offers so little worldly reward. Pastors are under scrutiny now more than ever. Because of this, the pastor’s wife carries a heavy load. So what can we do to ease her burden?

As the women of her congregation, we want to help. We may be tempted to send a quick text saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” But there is a better way to make sure we’re blessing our pastor’s wife and supporting her, as well as our pastor.

There are practical things we can do to assist our pastor’s wife today.

What can I do to help my pastor’s wife?

My husband and I served as interim pastors at various churches in times of transition. We also served as church planters.

We’ve seen the role of pastor and wife from both perspectives - as the church shepherds and as part of the congregation. We’ve understood the burden pastors feel for the well-being of their flock. So when we’re not serving in a pastoral role, we want to show our pastors and leaders in the church how much we appreciate the important work they do.

A Pastor’s Wife and Her Role in the Church

During my time as a pastor’s wife, many women blessed me with exactly what I needed to press on when all I wanted to do was give up. So many times I felt drained. Poured out until I had nothing left to give.

I wondered if my work mattered, and in the face of what seemed like constant opposition, I questioned my calling. Yet at just the right time, God sent someone to come alongside me and encourage me.

From those experiences, I learned how vital it is to stand beside our pastor’s wives, and how even the simplest act can be a huge encouragement to her. Here are 5 things your pastor’s wife needs from you right now. Prayerfully consider how you might follow these tips to help ease her burden today.

5 Ways to Bless Your Pastor’s Wife Today

“For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people and his incomparable great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:15-19 NIV

Pray for Her

Even though our intentions to pray for our pastor and his wife may be good, I am the first to admit falling short in my commitment to pray for them. Make no mistake, the pastor’s wife is an integral part of our church leadership, so we need to remember her in our daily prayers.

The pastor’s wife may remain silent most of the time, but consider the many people she ministers to each day. And she does it all with love.

We have no idea what the people in our church family may be going through, but she knows. The pastor’s wife intercedes in prayer for every single person in our church, including us. Let’s pray for wisdom and revelation on her behalf, as Paul says in verse 17. God will give her strength as we intercede for her in prayer.

(For helpful prayers, visit the free downloads page and see the resources available there. Enter your email here to gain access.)

2. Communicate Your Gratitude for All She Does

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you…”

Nothing says I appreciate you like a word of gratitude. Whether in person or in a hand-written note, a simple thank you will lift her spirit and offer an encouraging word when she needs it most.

I recall a time of discouragement in our ministry. All pastors face those times now and then. At just the right moment, I received a thank you card from a dear woman in our church. I will never forget her sincere gesture. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of a kind word.

3. Show Her Your Commitment to the Church

Your pastor’s wife may ask for a commitment from you to help or serve in a specific way. Can I share a secret with you? She usually hates to ask because she knows you are busy with your own work, family, and life. She wouldn’t ask without a lot of thought and prayerful consideration.

You can be honest with her (and yourself) about what you are able to do, but also be gentle. Consider her heart and her feelings while considering how you can help.

Pastor’s wives need us to serve. Let’s look for ways to help while remaining realistic with our commitments.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Take a Stand Against Criticism

Sometimes even those well-intentioned conversations can turn toxic.

We may mean well, but even a simple statement like, “I wish our church had this…” or, “If only our pastors would…” can lead to our sweet pastor’s wife feeling criticized.

When someone criticizes our pastor’s wife, it’s okay to speak out against the criticism. We don’t have to be harsh with our words to be firm in our commitment to support her ministry. We can simply and gracefully put an end to the conversation, then walk away.

5. Make Her a Simple Casserole, or Your Favorite Dish

This one’s my favorite, probably because cooking is not something I enjoy! I am thrilled when someone surprises me with a meal. Want to bless your pastor’s wife in a very tangible way right now? Cook a casserole and surprise her family with a yummy dinner.

You don’t have to be an amazing cook to bless the pastor’s family with a meal. A sweet friend from our church used to pick up a bucket of bar-b-que, a package of buns, and a bag of chips for us once in a while. What a treat that was! I didn’t have to cook, and I could enjoy time with my family. Food is a sure-fire way to show your love and concern for her.

We can rest assured that our pastor’s wife loves us more than we know. We shouldn’t feel overlooked or forgotten if she hasn’t talked to us in a while. We must remember how overwhelming her role can be.

Let’s commit today to lift her up, just as she does for us.

May these tips I’ve shared with you here inspire you to find other ways to support your pastor’s wife and her ministry within the church. Our efforts will make a difference in her life, her family, and our community.